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Old 2nd October 2011, 08:29 PM   #8 (permalink)
The Judge
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Re: Black As Night -- Opening Scenes (900 words)

Quote:
Originally Posted by chopper View Post
the only thing i would add is a sense of distance in time to reinforce the "small hand" description of Chais as a child. you can tell it is reminiscence, but the scale of distance isn't immediately clear.
Good thinking!
Quote:
(Oh, and Butchers' Guild, rather than Butcher's Guild...)
Eek! How did I miss that??

Quote:
Second section: i got a bit distracted by trying to work out who the new characters were, so i couldn't focus fully on it. when the narrative came to telling me who Palaina was, i was still puzzled over Lady Sindretzine.
I was worried about introducing all the names too quickly, so I'm not sure how best to get over that. Back to the thinking cap.

Thanks, O Progenitor of Great and Revered Customs!
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