Re: Prologue (re-written on advice of sff)
Christian, I don't know how to critique properly, but I completely agree with you that this crit forum is EXTREMELY useful. It has definitely helped me improve my own work. Of course, the danger, as Boneman observes, is that when a writer is unsure of his work, or if it's in the early stages, the comments may distract him/her completely.
This does not appear be the case with you? So ...
This is the first paragraph, of the first page of your book? It matters a lot.
May I suggest:
Sick of cleaning warriors' boots and waiting on people, the young boy decided to sneak off. Peeping round the kitchen door, he checked for any guards that might be patrolling the halls. The coast was clear. Taking his chance, Vulgaris darted out into the corridor, the ornate rugs soft on his bare feet.
He had been through these castle halls many times, always with a destination in mind, but now he wished to lose himself -- to try and find some kind of freedom. Pre-occupied, he tripped on one of the rugs and cried out as his head hit the floor, the rug doing little to lessen the pain.
.. and you can take it from there, bearing ctg's always invaluable observations in mind.
(Boil it down, boil it down)
One of the contributors to these SFF forums has made an observation that I personally have taken to my bosom: A book is a marathon, not a sprint.
EDIT: Now isn't that strange? I hadn't even read ctg's crit when I posted mine. Sorry ctg/Christian. Great minds, etc ...
Last edited by RJM Corbet; 29th June 2011 at 09:34 PM.