Thread: Newbie Crit
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Old 29th June 2011, 04:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
TacticalLoco
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Wisconsin
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Re: Newbie Crit

Thank you all for the tender critique. It is much appreciated.

I fixed the typos, comma splices (after I learned what they were) and more importantly, the super liminals.

Nik, you are so right about the shift lengths. I wasn't thinking. They have been shortened.

Chris, you are well spoken the grammer king and clearly I need a ruler.

alchemist, also correct about confusing the reader early on.
I have rewritten the opening and I think it's clearer and stronger.

Boneman, very good suggestions all around. Your ideas were part of the redone opener.
Most of all thanks for catching the POV switch, just lack of experience there, I hope.

************************************************** ***
Finally, I'd like to include some notes on my notion of future science since
I have not yet been able to effectively get it across though the text.

Part of the Magi field includes tachyon based sensors. The field itself is a set of standing tachyon waves.
This is what allows FTL sensing of objects and EM waves.

In addtion, I keep coming back to the fact that the ship never leaves normal space-time.
What the drive does (I hope) is reduce mass as a means to overcome the implications of Special Relativity.
Because the ship is not in hyper or warp or worm hole space, the Magi field can observe data and create sensor read outs.

If that doesn't hold plasma, please let me know where I'm off in my science so I can work on it.

Much gratitute again for the help,
Tac
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