[RJM Corbet]

Thnk you Crispen, I have just opened up. I will read your critique carefully later today and make alterations.

In the meantime, I have rearranged the introduction sequence in the all important first few pages -- due largely to the suggestion of ctg. I have bought the main plot in earlier. I'm adding the synopsis of ERLOS to this reply, and adding a link, where anyone who is really interested will be able to read the full text of 'Book One'. I just want to get ERLOS out there -- obviously in as good a form as possible.
Here's the synopsis ...



ERLOS’ main plot concerns the inhabitants of Erlos’ seven wonderful cities, which orbit the planet Elotia. The main protagonist, Auldrinda Benkilte of Astra City, is forced to use the rebirth chamber, a survival device with which all Erlotian atmosphere craft are equipped.


The rebirth chamber will choose, for the doomed occupant of the atmosphere craft, the unborn embryo of a member of the highest life form on the world on which the craft is going to crash - in this case the planet earth - an embryo that otherwise would be stillborn.

The thousands of millions of citizens of the Seven Cities of Erlos are highly trained to attempt, for the first time, to concentrate their individual WILLS as a single powerful impulse, at close to light speed, to activate the lithos upon which their cities are built, to break through the light/time barrier of the fourth dimension, onto fifth dimensional vortexian innerspace roadways where, under the guidance of Cephanti, the Angel Chieftan of the Arc, they hope to travel millions of light years in a very short time in a desperate mission destroy the planet Bueloess with their sonic weapon before Bueloess destroys them.

Erlos has been at war with Bueloess for 600 years. Bueloess has expanded outward from its home planet at below the speed of light for millions of years to conquer worlds for the lithos metal they contain – which metal both Erlos and Bueloess use to construct their space craft. Bueloess has left these worlds as empty husks, and has reached the planet Marion in the Erlotian solar system as a base from which to attack Erlos.

Erlos' mission succeeds, after various adventures, and so Erlos ends up inheriting an empire of a hundred thousand broken, damaged worlds, which they must heal from Bueloess’ ravages.

The rebirth chamber chooses for Auldrinda Benkilte the body of Douglas Perry. Douglas lives upon the earth, on a farm for 'mentally challenged' adults for 27 years until Erlos comes to rescue him. He is reborn again on Erlos as Obekellah and will soon return to save us on earth from our own absurd treatment of the planet that supports us. So we return to reshape our own future, and become Erlos, and so Erlos can never again return to Elotia.

Douglas Perry was a real person. He gave me the main idea for this story and I have the originals of all his writings and letters available, for possible inclusion as appendices to ERLOS.

THE SUB PLOT describes the adventures of Sorac of Aazyr, upon the surface of the planet Elotia, to defeat the tyrant Mykraamus of the Ukonaai in a quest for the weapon of Mycyl, the Angel of Light, which alone can defeat the weapon of Aba Mainyus, the Angel of Darkness, that gives Mykraamus his power.

There is a double twist at the end, where all the earlier parts of the story fall into place.

APPENDIX ONE contains detailed and important information about the structure of the Seven Cities of Erlos, their configurations, voting systems, and so on, to which the reader can refer without them slowing down the story.

Other possible appendices contain original letters, drawings and writings provided by the real Douglas Perry.

　

And here's the link:

www.writerscafe.org/writing/RJM-Corbet/723241

Thank you for taking the time to read the excerpts, and so carefully.
Regards
Roger