You asked about flow. . .
I think it flows wonderfully for the most part. That said there is one part that I find jarring.
Quote:
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'Who does own me?' I ask.
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The way this sentence is constructed versus the rest just does not sit well with me for some reason. It does not flow the same.
With the rest you have a consistency of form, however with this one sentence the wording seems just a tad out of place with the way the character speaks and thinks in the rest of the piece.
Just an observation. I do like this that said. You can feel the characters frustration as she wrangles with a new concept and tries to come to terms with her new status.