Science Fiction Fantasy Chronicles: forums - View Single Post - Improving our 75 Word Stories -- READ FIRST POST

Parson · 29th December 2010, 04:34 PM

Judge:
I would agree that this was an excellent story. I voted for it after all. You were most definitely right about changing "Kill me" to "Kill us." Kill me sounds more like death by cop than an attempt to change society by sacrifice.

I'm not sure I would have noticed the neat parallelism you suggest, but I would have been impressed if I had seen it. I am probably a bit slow in these kinds of things, but for me to notice it, I think you would have had to arrange the lines directly after one another. Unlike the first change, which I think you were dead on to do; this is a "fancy" one, which like Digs says probably is more an author than reader thing.

29th December 2010, 04:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
Parson This world is not my home Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Iowa Posts: 3,239 Blog Entries: 5	Re: Improving our Challenge Stories -- READ FIRST POST Judge: I would agree that this was an excellent story. I voted for it after all. You were most definitely right about changing "Kill me" to "Kill us." Kill me sounds more like death by cop than an attempt to change society by sacrifice. I'm not sure I would have noticed the neat parallelism you suggest, but I would have been impressed if I had seen it. I am probably a bit slow in these kinds of things, but for me to notice it, I think you would have had to arrange the lines directly after one another. Unlike the first change, which I think you were dead on to do; this is a "fancy" one, which like Digs says probably is more an author than reader thing.