Thread Killers Anonymous

[Ursa major]

When travelling back up the thread, the first ** I come to is:

** - Mark my words: the colon is the most appropriate one to use.

which is immediately followed by the "sun incident".


I'm not sure that's going to help, TEIN.



* In the meantime, Siggy IV has disappeared. *

[No One]

*The ground veritably explodes, leaving a crater several dozens of metres across. Out clambers Siggy, a smile on his face. He flicks pieces of something mechanical onto the ground, smiling as he does.*

*His armour, now forming a complete shell about his body, seems none the worse for wear.*

I'd say that was low, but that would be an understatement...

[TheEndIsNigh]

Whatever works for you Ursa.

I think Siggy is at one - no? as opposed to four!

[Ursa major]

Come on, Tumbleweeds. Pretending to be armour when there's nothing inside is a bit tricksy.


* The sniggering gets louder. *


Anyone would think you were so worried about the arrival of Siggy V that you were pretending Siggy IV was still extant.


* There is embarrassed silence. *


Well, you asked for it by your silly behaviour.

[No One]

What!? You mean that isn't Siggy?

*prods Siggy, who falls over and promptly disappears into the ground*

No...it can't be... Ursa! You've crossed a line this day...oh yes. Yes indeedio. Hmph!

Dammit! Oh man, I'll be in trouble for this. Oh well, I shall have to prepare Siggy V - my last, best hope...for victory.

[TheEndIsNigh]

Join us, be at one.

No time left, to waste on fun.

Be prepared, for the end

Love the thread, and be a friend.

(Thwaaack)**

Join us, be at one.

No time left, to waste on fun.

Be prepared, for the end

Love the thread, and be a friend.

(Thwaaack)

Join us, be at one.

No time left, to waste on fun.

Be prepared, for the end

Love the thread, and be a friend.

(Thwaaack)


.... ad-nausea.


** Imagine the monks from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (wish we/I could do animation)

[No One]

*Strolls in, accompanied by what can only be Siggy Mk V, and sees TEIN self-flagellating. He runs over and grabs him, shakes him, slaps him...*

Snap out of it man! Don't you see what this place has done to you!? Turn in your Friend of Jim membership and renounce your evil overlord! Embrace your destiny as a Foe of Jim!

Anyhoo, let's not beat about the bush eh? Or should that be tumbleweeds? I'm outta here, but Siggy my boy, do say hello to Jim...

*No rushes out, shepherding the hapless TEIN away, while Siggy's armour produces a tiny pellet in the palm of his hand. He flicks it high into the air. Seconds later, there's a blinding flash of light and an explosion of the fission variety. Nothing too big. Just a few megatonnes.*

[TheEndIsNigh]

TEIN, never fond of being manhandled, slips back to watch the fireworks.

Fortunately he carries TheSoBe (The Sign of the Barred Exit - which none may pass) which he unlimbers from it's scabbard and plants firmly into the ground near Siggy.

As the pellet tumbles over and over, TEIN whispers an old incantation. An incantation older even than the pendulum of time itself. As the pellet begins to glow in the initial phase of the chain reaction TheSoBe forms the portal to the nearest black hole. TEIN repeats the incantation and the wormhole expands to engulf the whole of the expanding nuclear reaction; it's energy is transposed into the heart of the singularity beyond the sign.

Siggy, slow to react, fails to avoid being sucked through into the warped area of space and as the incantation continues, the poor creature is consumed, it's mass forming the newest layer of molecules which coat the black hole.

TEIN returns the sign to the safety of it's scabbard, smiles and returns to the business of the day.

Join us, be at one.

No time left, to waste on fun.

Be prepared, for the end

Love the thread, and be a friend.

(Thwaaack)

Join us, be at one.

No time left, to waste on fun.

Be prepared, for the end

Love the thread, and be a friend.

(Thwaaack)

[No One]

*TEIN continues his chant...*

"Join us, be at one."
"No time left, to waste on fun."
"Be prepared, for the end"
Love the thread, and be a friend."

*The Thwaaack, however, is replaced by a large firm hand to the back of TEIN's head as Siggy V materializes apparently out of thin air, as No pops his head in*

Oh dear, TEIN you and Ursa must start to respect these things. This Siggy will not be so easily disposed. What you've destroyed there was nothing more than a solid-state hologram.

Plus, you don't really think Siggy IV perished due to Ursa's rather ridiculous tumbleweeds do you? No no. It was only due to Jim's interference that Siggy IV was able to be ambushed and munched. Such ludicrous notions as ambushing a Siggy and penetrating his armour ought to be dismissed right here, right now. The same mistake will not be made again.

Siggy, be a good chap and destroy Jim's Vesta...

*Siggy V obliges with a lightning bolt that strikes out into the far distance, finding said Vesta and reducing it to slag. With that, Siggy and No take their leave.*

[Ursa major]

* Jim sheds a tear for his Vesta and vows revenge. *

[No One]

Aw, poor Jim. I feel bad

That said, how about we wrack up the fireworks, eh? Tis the season after all. TEIN
diverted a few megatonnes, so how about we try that again? What do you say Siggy, a
few hundred megatonnes? Or how about we just round off to a nice easy gigatonne?
Yup, sounds about right.

*No leaves as Siggy's armour seals itself against the coming event. The
Automatic War Crime weapon is brought to bear (no pun intended) and unleashed. The
resulting explosion rages for what seems an eternity, obliterating all in it's path
and leaving vast portions of the thread in cinders, along with a mile-wide,
quarter-mile deep, glassed crater at ground zero. As the proverbial dust settles
(there's no actual dust - as even that has been incinerated), No pokes his head back in.*

Oooh, that's a beaut of a crater there Siggy. Sliding down the sides of it looks like
it could be great fun! Well, get healing Jim-me-lad. Plenty more where that came from.

[Ursa major]

What's that Jim?

That annoying itch in a place you could scratch seems to have gone?


"And Cinderella didn't mind!"



I'd rather not know that, you know.

[No One]

Well if no one else is going to do it, I guess No One will!

*approaches the lip of the crater*

Siggy, be a good lad and fish me out afterwards.

*throws himself onto the glassy slope and slides and slides and slides...*

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Rosemary]

Cheerio, No One Glares at Siggy, who visibly shrinks with fright!

HOW DARE ANYONE DESTROY JIM'S VESPER! THAT'S ALMOST AS BAD AS TREASON IN THIS THREAD.

*Must get Jim a new vesper, one with a fox tail hanging from the back*

[TheEndIsNigh]

Yep, it seems the thread survived, for here it is.

Full of vigour and life.

A fine thread, but still visible.