Thread Killers Anonymous

[No One]

No thanks Ursa. I'm er, on duty.

But I must say it's a sad thing to see the Hoopster helping to keep Jim going. You might say she's become a puppet of her own nemesis. So very sad.

[Ursa major]

Is this yet another unforeseen consequence of string theory...?

[The Ace]

Keeps her out of mischief, though (apparently).

[No One]

Haha - now there's an interesting clash: this thread's durability against Ursa's ability to make puns!

This could take a while folks.

[Ursa major]

Sounds like you're suggesting that this thread might have grown old.

[No One]

I agree. It has. So everyone should clear off now.

[Ursa major]

Seems to me that you're agreeing with yourself there, which is hardly a solid basis on which to consign poor Jim to history.

[No One]

Hmm, Ursa may be right. Even so...

*stab stab*

[HoopyFrood]

Yoink...

[No One]

Dammit!

Didn't you hear my bit about you working for the undead? Now quit it and save yourself!

[TheEndIsNigh]

Originally Posted by No One

Well, as an assassin-in-training, I've been looking for a target to make my name. What better way than to kill the unkillable!

You see, all you guys have got it wrong it your attempts. You have to be patient, see. You have to learn your target's weaknesses and routines and bide your time. Choose the moment to strike! You have to be smart - not all gung-ho and maniacal. That's just foolishness. You need subtlety, finesse, careful and meticulous planning.

You have to...



...DIEEEE THREAD! AHAHA!!!

*stabs and slashes wildly at the thread*

See that. Element of surprise. Never saw it coming.

No One:

I was once like you. I tried all manner of things to do this thread in, including grabbing Hoopy in her Dragon days and forcing her to snort down this threads throat - So your stabs and scratchings, I have to say, are fairly minor irritations by comparison.

However, I didn't come here to have a go, more, to caution you on the wisdom of it. Suppose you succeed. Think of the guilt you'll feel. Think of the loss to the world of this fine specimen of a thread who some say is older than the site itself. It has certainly outlived many other threads. Threads that were young and virile once but have since faded either from old age or maximum post counts. They have come and gone would you see this thing of wonder, this venerable thread consigned to the depths. Surely not.

And if you did succeed what then. Would you be consumed by your guilt, could you live with yourself. Believe me it's a terrible burden. One that you may come to regret. Imagine the depression and sadness you will create amongst your fellow posters. Could you live with that.

I couldn't.

So repent of your merciless attacks on this poor old creature. Join the FOJ society (Friends of Jim) Step into the light. Rejoice and repent or only pain and suffering will follow.


As for the working for the undead - If only you knew the full (lost) history of this thread you wouldn't joke about such things.

[No One]

TEIN - Minor irritations!? BAH! A well placed stab can accomplish as much as any dragon, or explosion, or arcane assault. Granted the precise anatomy of ol' Jim eludes me at the moment, but I'll find that sweet spot. Oh yes.

And however much your eloquent petition may have moved me, I must consider the possibility that you, along with everyone else to have spent significant time here, have since become enslaved to the whim of Jim.

"Poor old creature"? That's exactly what it wants you to think! You're simply too inured to see the truth. A fresh perspective is required.

So while you may believe otherwise, slaying this beast will only free you all from perpetual bondage. There'll be no sadness or depression, but a new golden age of rejoicing and revellry. You'll thank me, you'll see.

And I am most certainly not joking when I speak of servitude to the undead. While the sheer volume (and madness) of Jim means I've yet to study him fully, I do appreciate that he has survived cataclysmic upheavals in the past (which preclude me from knowing him better). Nevertheless, he shall not survive me.

To quote a good man: "...that is not dead which can eternal lie/ and with strange aeons even death may die."

[Asmiley]

so what's with the furriness of the thread now? O.o

*lays out a bear trap to catch the thread*

[Clansman]

Originally Posted by TheEndIsNigh

No One:

I was once like you. I tried all manner of things to do this thread in, including grabbing Hoopy in her Dragon days and forcing her to snort down this threads throat - So your stabs and scratchings, I have to say, are fairly minor irritations by comparison.

However, I didn't come here to have a go, more, to caution you on the wisdom of it. Suppose you succeed. Think of the guilt you'll feel. Think of the loss to the world of this fine specimen of a thread who some say is older than the site itself. It has certainly outlived many other threads. Threads that were young and virile once but have since faded either from old age or maximum post counts. They have come and gone would you see this thing of wonder, this venerable thread consigned to the depths. Surely not.

And if you did succeed what then. Would you be consumed by your guilt, could you live with yourself. Believe me it's a terrible burden. One that you may come to regret. Imagine the depression and sadness you will create amongst your fellow posters. Could you live with that.

I couldn't.

So repent of your merciless attacks on this poor old creature. Join the FOJ society (Friends of Jim) Step into the light. Rejoice and repent or only pain and suffering will follow.


As for the working for the undead - If only you knew the full (lost) history of this thread you wouldn't joke about such things.

I know what you'd do with your guilt:

YOU'D STAGE A REVIVIFICATION, just like a certain prophet of doom did. I mean, mouth-to-mouth with a corpse, TEIN, really. Wouldn't some counseling have been a little more, um, sanitary, not to mention helpful? Now we've got this undead thread, smearing up the Lounge with hunks of thread flesh being left around here and there, slime, and not to mention the smell. All thanks to YOU!

I'd suggest you take a very, very hot bath, and stay away from Jim, and let nature take its course. Not that it will matter anyway, given the approaching apocalypse.

[Ursa major]

Jim would like to point out that if there are any "hunks of" allegedly "thread flesh being left around here and there", any slime and/or anything malodorous in the Lounge or other areas of the Chrons, they are nothing to do with him.