Thread Killers Anonymous

[Ursa major]

You talk big for someone with so little time left.


* Ursa produces a knife. *


But what you really have to worry about are my cutting remarks....

[Clansman]

*in the voice of the old miner from just about every western from 1930 to 1960. Or Cletus from Gunsmoke.*

"Looks like sumwun's about te git hisself kilt!

Tell the boys on Boot Hill te start diggin, and tell 'em te make it big 'nuff fer a bear, but deep 'nuff fer a nih'listic proffit.

HEE HEE HEE!"

[Ursa major]

Don't be troublin' yurself.


This here fur's bullet proof.

[Clansman]

"That thur'n bear got hisself kevlar fur now?!?

The Proffit better git hisself summa them silicon-tip bullits, er mebbe summa them d'pleted ur-anium ones.

This here town's not big enuf fer the both of 'em.

HEE HEE HEE!"

(gosh it's hard to type in dialect)

[Ice fyre]

Arrr, we bee talkin in dialect noaw do we be?

Then ois gettin in on the act ya scallywags, you be needin ta consern yarself with protectin yerself from me crew o scurvy dogs, think yer fur turnin a cannon ball ya furry lan lubber.

Bah swab dem, decks, splice that main brace, an turn her about wes got shootin ta do.

A Large pirate ship rears into the thread and begins to fire its cannons randomly.

Harrrrrr haarrrrrr arrrr!

[Ursa major]

* A more-than-oversize polar bear, appearing to be quite happy to be in the water, dives under the rather mouldy ship and takes a large bite out of the rotten wood of the hull beneath the water line. The huge bear surfaces, possibly as some sort of cosmic recompense for the ship that will soon leave the surface far behind, bound for that famous locker. *


It's a haaaarrrd life bein' a Pirate. And don't you be larfin' too haaarrrrrrrd, Jim lad....

[Ice fyre]

Avast there boys we be goin ta Davey Jones's locker if wen doin sumfin.

Panicked Pirates scramble to repair the damage done by the pesky polar bear.

ARrrr me hearties jib the mizzen mast an cork da hold.

Wes goin Polar bear Huntin Arr

Raise da Jolly Rodger, ...be tellin im ta be stoapin that it be the JOLLY RODGER not ....arr ee be gettin my meanin.

[Ursa major]

* The Prince of Polar Bears - pesky, indeed! - leads the ship into the shallows, where the blades of the Tumbleweeds whirr in wood-whittling warfare, thereby joining ship and sea in a destructive example of holistic union. *

I wonder if we'll have a new record for the smallness of Plank length.

[Ice fyre]

Arrrr boys wes be runnin fer shore arrr, ye not be hearin the last of ole Capan Ice

[Ursa major]

* Ursa watches as what must now be described as a land-living, splinter group of pirates heads inland. *

[Ice fyre]

Arrr, ee be in big trouble wen oi finishes me new ship till then ai be branchin out into land operations, as it were so's ta speak!

Arrrrr!

[Clansman]

How in th' hell did we move fr'm Wyomin' Territ'ry te the durn Arctick Ocean?!?

This here ain't th' Spectril Minglers, y'know!

HEE HEE HEE!

[Ice fyre]

Arrrr Clansman this ere be a undying thread it be wandering all over the place, hahrrr, you be avin a dirty great P{olar bear it be natural fer im ta be brining is natral element so's ta speak.

Arrrr, drat it jibbet that splice break and squeak that top slight jibber that topsail too!

[Ursa major]

I should have been able to show you Jim's seal of approval for the move to a coastal location...








...but I ate it.

[Clansman]

The only problem is, Ice Fyre has a terrible pirate accent. Sounds like Captain Feathersword from an episode of the Wiggles.

No offence, oh Dark One, but a spade is a spade, and you're the ace (figuratively speaking, of course).