[captaintripps]

Hi prefx,

Just given this a quick scan and these are my initial thoughts:

'...tracing the scar underneath his eye without thought, like tracing the memories of his past...'

This is nice writing!

'...for it, oddly in the shape of a crescent moon, was the only feature that gave life to his face...'

I'd consider re-writing this passage, it kind of trips over itself to me and doesn't scan well.

'...staulked the silence...'

='stalked'

'...Manson had grown tiredsome...'

'tiredsome' = 'tiresome. However, I don't think this is the correct context for the word as tiresome is an adjective, and so his standing in the room might become tiresome to him but if it's Manson that's tiresome it would put a completelt different slant on the meaning - one that I don't think you're aiming for??

...must of his life.

'must' = 'most', I think.

Well that's all the nits I spotted. I'm assuming this is a set up for a longer piece, and as such it works pretty damn well. I got a good image of Manson, and I know he's pee'd off with someone and - vitally - I was left wanting to know what happens next.

Nice work, hope to see more!