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This occasion had not occurred in over a millennia, but now it was the time. The crowning of a new Empress.
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millennium
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He stood rigid, his sword hung at his hip his eyes trained on the empress’s every move.
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comma after "hip"
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no-one to ever know the difference.
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split infinitive
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Still, it was doubtful people would notice, I would have to over-see it myself.
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two sentences. Semicolon instead of comma? And do you need a hyphen in "oversee"?
Quote:
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“Don’t worry about it Number Two.”
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comma after "it"
You know the comma in the last line is strange, and only because he's trying to grab breath, don't you? I might have used "wove" rather than "weaved", and find the "although many didn’t expect one" a bit superfluous in that context and form, but that's probably just me (like the split infinitive. Does anyone else even care?)