Re: Lines of Green... Continued
This is some strong writing--an effective scene and characterization. I've just got a couple of picky things...
On the sentence,
Her Nerves where as frail as her hair, (great description, by the way)
nerves should not be capitalized, that's just typo;
on the third paragraph from the end, you have what looks like a hanging "I" at the end of the second sentence,
Jadra looked up and caught something in Abryal’s gaze she didn’t like. ‘I
I think that's another typo, and it would read better if that was deleted, and the writing simply went to the next paragraph,
‘I don’t want your pity, or your sorrow, or your empathy....
I'm also curious as to what the adjective "miftly" means,
Jadra was miftly frightened by the look on the woman’s face...
If that's a British slang word that I'm not familiar, then I'd say it's okay. My preference would be to either drop the adjective and simply say,
Jadra was frightened by the look...
but that's just me. If miftly is accepted slang and it works for you, then it doesn't bother me as much.
That's all for the picky stuff. Again, this is effective writing and characterization. I'd like to see you post more of it. I probably don't have time to read the entire work, but a page or two every day or so wouldn't be hard to keep up with.
Hope this was helpful. All for the moment Terry.
P.S. One other question on reflection--just what is in those glass cases or cards that she's carrying?