[captaintripps]

Thanks Tenalpia! I think it may be hard to pick up on issues here, not because there aren't any, but because of the loose, informal style I've adopted in the piece. It's often much easier to spot the flaws in something that's written 'properly, or 'tighter', if you know what I mean. So don't beat yourself up over not spotting anything!

I'm into chapter three now, where we meet Kathy but, having just read the above part again, I'm not totally convinced by the style. It doesn't engage me somehow, and I think it may need tweaking - taking the POV tighter inside Gareth's head maybe . . . I'm not sure. I'm just not convinced that we're getting a clear enough picture of Gareth - having said that though, maybe it's more mysterious as things stand.

Ok, I'm rambling now so I'll shut up.

Anyway thanks again for your comments!