Ten Things I Believe My Cat is Saying to Me When He Blinks

[McMurphy]

Ten Things I Believe My Cat is Saying to Me When He Blinks


1.) “You aren’t thinking of replacing me with a midget, are you?”

2.) “May I have another nickelbag of catnip?”

3.) “I have absolutely no idea why the insides of your shoes feel warm and moist.”

4.) “Yeah, I want to purr in your lap for you. Hey, I know---while we are at it, mind checking to see if I licked my butt clean enough?”

5.) I have a feeling he is singing various old Salt N’ Peppa songs, “If I-want to a guy-home with me tonight,- it’s none of your business!”

6.) “What happened to my balls?”

7.) “I have been nominated by the neighborhood squirrels to plead that you stop walking around the apartment naked.”

8.) “What? You don’t like that I defecated on the carpet? That’s fine; I don’t like the fact that my litterbox smells like a decaying donkey.”

9.) “How is it that you can accidently pee on the seat of the toilet, and it isn’t the end of the world, but everyone starts suggesting retardation when I miss the litterbox?”

10.) “You smell like pig semen!!”

[dwndrgn]

I get the feeling that my cat is saying:

"Why won't you pay attention to me?"
"Why can't I eat off of your plate, you are."
"I like sleeping on your chest, it's cozy, warm, has a nice vibration and I know it annoys you."
"I get to eat these dessicated bits of fish-flavored cornmeal, again? Oh joy."
"Gimme some catnip! Now!"
"Scratch me right here...ahh, that's the spot. Now don't stop."
"I've talked it over with the neighborhood cats. We've decided that the dogs have to go."
"Why did you bring these uneducated brutes and their silly wagging tails into the house? Do you hate me?"
And mostly she is saying, "It is all about me. I thought you knew that."

[iKwak]

"Why did you bring these uneducated brutes and their silly wagging tails into the house? Do you hate me?"

[silvercloak]

You should listen to the song "A Plea From a Cat Named Virtue" by the Weakerthans. It's actually a very good song.

[dwndrgn]

Originally Posted by silvercloak

You should listen to the song "A Plea From a Cat Named Virtue" by the Weakerthans. It's actually a very good song.

I've never heard of them. I'll see if I can find a soundfile online. Thanks for the tip .

[mzarynn]

I got a cute book for Christmas called Cat's Letters to Santa. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Dear Santa:

Have you considered using cats instead of reindeer? Here are the reason why:

1. Cats eat less.
2. We make faster deliveries of presents because most houses have dogs and we move very swiftly when dogs are around.
3. We're softer.
4. We make nicer sounds.
5. Children are more likely to leave out snacks for your if they know that you're traveling with cats.

-Rudolph



Dear Santa:

I would love a ticket to the circus so I can see the tigers. They're relatives of mine.

Your Friend,
Stripes