Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

[Mark Robson]

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.


AND, the Number One Number One thing only women understand :

1. OTHER WOMEN

[BookStop]

Ha ha ha, Mark. I do almost wonder where you are getting these gems though.

[Adasunshine]

I used to find this one funny before I had kids. Now I've gone through the whole shebang, it's hilarious and quite quite true....

Thanks again Mark!

xx

[Aes]

Is it shameful for me to admit that I understand most of the "top ten things only women understand?"

[j. d. worthington]

Well, Aes, if it is.... *raises hand* I guess we'd better turn in our membership cards, hadn't we?

You know, it's guys like us that completely throw demographics right out the window.....

[Nesacat]

The top ten things is pretty much spot on and it's true about cutting hair to make it grow; bean sprouts are great stir fried with salted fish and those colours are very different from each other. As for the cat ... well ...

[the_faery_queen]

i don't understand or relate to most of them. except teh cat's faces and the hair cutting thing. but then, im not very female in my head.

it inspired me to do my own poll, wanted tos ee how many other people understand cat's faces. a lot of women do!

[the smiling weirwood]

I understand 10, 9, 8, 6, and 5. The others are just silly.