[The Judge]

Hi. I'm very new here and have never critiqued before, so I hope you don't mind my raising a few points on your revised opening.

'If there are those who remembered... there are those who don't.' The tenses of the two halves don't match (remembered/don't). As you are using the present tense ('are those') I'd go with 'remember'.

Exactly the same at 'Barely had I crossed... did I realize my fate.' (crossed/did). '...before I realized...' perhaps?

If she's educated and sophisticated would she really use such a trite simile as 'shone like a star'? Especially when it followes two completely different images - 'high-prized horse' and 'honed' - a verb which implies sharpening rather than buffing or polishing. NB as she's female, would 'valuable brood-mare' be more appropriate?

Unlike Boneman, I didn't have a problem with your last line, it's the half-sentence before it that jars with me. You've set up a distinction between a good wife and a bought one - but a man who buys a wife wants a good one, educated, comely etc, so is this distinction really what you mean?

I see that you lost the 'I knew what I was from the time I was but a child.' I loved that line! To me it's pointing ahead to her knowing things that those around her including the foster father do not.

Sorry if this sounds nit-picking. I loved the opening - what happens next?

J