| Re: Shadowbox : chapter one
I get a feeling that this piece is ... very out of its place straight out from the first dialogue line and getting more solid feeling from the images you're trying to place in our heads. For example when the father is leaning over to kiss the child, you're giving us an image, not a feeling from a bristling beard. Why is that? There are other similar ones, but I would recommend you to keep writing and trying to get to the end before rewriting this one again.
Therefore my question is, how much you have written on this? |