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Old 17th May 2008, 04:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
AlexM
Trying to Write
 
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia, New South Wales
Posts: 92
Re: The Dark Legion (Opening) - Critique all you want

HERESY! thank you, i was hoping someone would finally tell me ;P

And i thought you spell the third less than 10 and after it you write them as numbers?

And thanks for it, i needed some help I guess but this wasn't the final copy and I'll try and work with your suggestions and the next time i post it I hope i've used what you've said well.

Quote:
-- A scream ripped through the air which could of easily given away their position


How about that for an opening?

Cheers,

Alex
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