View Single Post
Old 16th May 2008, 01:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
daisybee
Registered User
 
daisybee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: UK: ENGLAND:
Posts: 523
Re: The battle in the Zelenor forests - prologue

I think your imagery is good- I like the trees being square shouldered.

The first line is just a bit of a non line-JDP is right though it can esaily be tweaked I reckon to capture the attention more.

How about combining the lines?

Something like-

The trees were thin and square-shouldered, tall enough to obscure the moon and dark clouds from view, as two figures threaded through the forest; stick like in stature and half lit by stars. (ish)

The place is named later-when needed, so personally I wouldn't share it in the opening sentence.

Very atmospheric in tone which I like.
daisybee is offline   Reply With Quote