Thread: Alliteration
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Old 12th May 2008, 11:10 PM   #22 (permalink)
Leisha
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 2,118
Re: Alliteration

I think brevity is the key here. You're repeating yourself by saying, "A familiar sensation came over..." and then "...the same feeling he...'. Sometimes this works well (even I use it). But in a line where you're already struggling to create something that flows, cut out the unecessary bits and see what you can make of it.


I've tried and I get: Toshu experienced the same feeling as when he’d healed Hacha.

Sure, you're missing a little flair, but you can work on that.
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