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Old 24th April 2008, 06:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
chrispenycate
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 2,398
Re: 16yr newbie with good ideas. plz help

The first thing I notice is that you're going to have to do a lot of work on your writing skills. Even as an outline this is too aproximative. Grammar, punctuation, sentence organisation; these are the tools of the trade and, like a musician with his instrument, you need to master them to the point you no longer have to think about them, so you can concentrate on your story. This involves work, and writing, and reading what others have written (and succeeded in selling).
There are tricks and there are rules, Certainly rules were made to be broken, but you need to master them first.
The story (or as much of it as you've explained) is fairly standard, as is the base concept; you're going to need a twist to personalise it, and you're going to need it in the first few pages (otherwise nobody's going to read any further.
And the title (as you would expect) has already been used, opening a new author to confusion and comparison.

Now having depressed you shall we look at some grammar?
Quote:
In this secret world is has everything the real world has and much much more.
You obviously don't need the "is" and the "has", and a comma would be appreciated after the first“much"…
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