The Heroes' Quest: Tales of Syrith

[Ryu Gaia]

I'm something of a writer, and for the past six months or so, I've been hard at work (pfft...) on a virtual series. It's likely that many of you have never heard of a VS, let alone know what one is, but it's basically like a television series in that episodes are released at more or less regular intervals, except in the form of scripts. I know this isn't the format you guys usually expect around here, but I've turned the internet upsidedown looking for a place that people would look at my scripts. I don't want to get them produced, I just want people to read them and tell me what they think.

The Heroes' Quest chronicles the adventures of Ryu, Falco, and Kythe, the fabled 'heroes' of Syrith, as they quest to defeat Lord Seth, the ruler of a mighty and oppressive empire that is slowly but certainly conquering the world.

Yes, on the surface, it's extremely cliche, but, that's only the surface. Currently, 9 episodes have been released (at an average length of around 33 pages, although it's in script format, so bear in mind that it's not 33 pages of nonstop text), and the tenth episode will be released on saturday.

I'm really hoping for reviews and such, because not many people on the forums that I usually frequent are very much into the fantasy genre.

The episodes are in .pdf format, and are available at the World of Syrith website, which at the moment, I can't link. Give me a minute to figure out how to communicate that without disobeying the rules.

For the record, the first episode has recently been rereleased and is an update of the original, whereas the second and third episodes aren't quite up to the same standards (but will soon be revised) - however, it's at a pretty consistent standard of writing from the fourth episode onwards (although I will admit that the character dialogue in the fourth is a bit stiff, but that's changed over time).

Here, I'm going to post an excerpt from the revised first episode, page 16/33:

[Ryu runs back out of the dense plants, and draws his sword.]

RYU
We’re not safe here!

FALCO
(concerned)
What is it?

[Two soldiers step out of the bushes in front of them, two more behind them, and two more on either side. One of them speaks, and he is obviously their leader.]

SOLDIER #1
In the interest of the Empire and
the name of Lord Seth, both of you
are to be tried and sentenced for
threatening to join the resistance.

RYU
(quickly)
You have no jurisdiction in Syrith,
and no right to arrest us.

[The soldier draws his sword, and shakes his head.]

SOLDIER #1
You don’t get it… regardless of the
laws of the former governing body of
this country, the empire is unopposed
in this land, and will soon rule it,
as it does so many others already. It
doesn’t matter whether this is official
or not…
(he glares at Ryu)
Which means it doesn’t matter whether
you are killed or not.

[Ryu assumes a fighting stance.]

RYU
I suppose this means that I’ll have
to defend myself.

[Ryu steps forward. In split second, the following happens: Soldier #1 begins charging Ryu with sword drawn, Ryu stands still and watches.]

I find that this excerpt is more of a taste of the quality of the writing as opposed to the actual story, but I do hope you'll like it, and I'll post more of it later. In the actual episodes, though, there are no brackets like there are in the quote, because the formatting from the script doesn't carry over into the quote, and therefore I had to make it more readable.

Episode List/Guide:
Episode 101: The Heroes of Syrith
[Ryu and Falco meet and join forces in their trek to join the growing resistance against Lord Seth. The resistance prepares for a battle that will determine the balance of power on the Syrithian continent. ]

Episode 102: Kythe – Friend or Foe?
[A ninja with a dark and painful past is sent to kill Ryu and Falco for their actions against the Empire. Falco makes a discovery about who he is, and about the symbols on the backs of his and Ryu's hands - which are also on the back of their attacker's. ]

Episode 103: The Eye in the Window
[Ryu, Falco, and Kythe arrive in a quiet village, but are soon thrust into their first challenge as the heroes of Syrith when they learn of an ancient evil, and Ryu is threatened with certain death by a supernatural force. ]

Episode 104: Homebound
[Ryu is confonted with his past as he prepares to venture on a leg of his quest which will take him to his home. ]

Episode 105: City of Light
[The heroes arrive in Luna City, the capital of what remains of the free world. When it is discovered that they are the legendary Heroes of Syrith, they become involved in a bid to make the Council elect to mobilize the army - but soon face traitors and an all-out invasion of the city. ]

Episode 106: Faded Memories
[Finally, after many months, Ryu arrives in Pyrona Village - but he is ambushed and captured by Lord Seth himself. As Ryu faces death of the worst kind, Falco, Kythe, and Chris work as quickly as they can to find him... ...before he is destroyed by his own memories. ]

Episode 107: Siege on the Citadel, Part I
[As the resistance leaders collaborate to prepare for attacking Lord Seth's stronghold in the mountain range, an old friend of an uncertain fate returns to warn them of an impending siege on their citadel. (Part I of II.) ]

Episode 108: Siege on the Seas, Part II
[Ryu and Falco race against time to get to the resistance Citadel before the Imperial airship does, to warn them of them impending attack. Meanwhile, General Corin leads the resistance fleet into battle with the Imperial fleet for control of the Palace Gulf. (Part II of II.) ]

Episode 109: The Journey Back
[Seperated from the resistance after the fierce battles for southern Syrith, Ryu, Falco, and Kythe meet up again, along with Chris - whose distorted memories have returned from his self-induced amnesia. Their minds come under attack by a dark force, trapping Ryu and Kythe in Chris's memories. ]

Episode 110: The Archer and the Wizard
Episode 111: Crusade
Episode 112: Return to the Black Forest
Episode 113: Memento Mori
Episode 114: Thermopylae
Episode 115: Into the Labyrinth
Episode 116: The Fate of the World, Part I
Episode 117: The Fate of the World, Part II
Episode 118: Aftermath

As I said above, the first nine have been released.

---

Just want to address the only two questions that I've heard so far:

Q: Why are there no women regulars?
A: The story is based off of a role play between me and two of my friends (hence, three heroes of Syrith), and neither of them are males. Ryu, Falco, and Kythe are the only regulars. As for recurring characters, there is one, who appears (briefly) in the 11th episode and (a lot) in the 18th, and there will be a 'short' featuring her that will be released in the coming weeks.

Q: It bears a resemblence to Star Wars, Eragon, and, well, every single story with an empire and an emperor and people who want to defeat it. Is it in any way original, or is it just as rehashed as the brief description makes it out to be?
A: It's nothing like Star Wars, and the only things it shares in common with Star Wars are the concept of an empire with no name, and a resistance working against it. The semblence ends there. I despise Eragon, and what was said for Star Wars applies to Eragon as well. "The Heroes' Quest," despite its outwards genericness, is very different, and I work hard to ensure that the plot is mostly original, or for the very least, feels new. I don't claim that I'm perfect at this, but I try.

[chrispenycate]

would the webaddress be
http://www.animenfo.com/forums/topic10021.html ?
(I googled, and they seem to trust me not to be totally irresponsible; I really don't know why.)
So, I started reading, then got frustrated because, being pdf., I couldn't add comments and suggestions and punctuation, a nasty habit that those on this forum have atually been encouraging me in.
While accustomed to scripts, for theatre, film, television and animation, and even more to storyboards, I found these strange; ours are invariably in columns, with dialogue separate from stage instructions, sound effects next to music cues, backgrounds and lighting or camera angles: basically it's more like a spread sheet than a word processor. Perhaps this is a regional thing; I certainly wouldn't give one of those to an uninitiated (which is what you're presumably intending with yours.)
For the moment I find the dialogue unconvincing, and the descriptions leave almost everything to the animator. This is intended for which age group? (I'll cherfully admit a woeful lack of experience in programs for the very young)
I would write explicit comments if this were in some form of text, rather than graphic, format.

[Ryu Gaia]

No, that's not quite the webaddress, but the link in that topic will take you to an episode guide I put together, and then if you click the "Back to World of Syrith" link you'll get there.
As for age group, it's intended to be somewhere in the realm of 11-16, I would guess. Something like what your average anime shoots for.
How far have you read into the first episode? It does get better farther down into it, and the series itself gets a lot better (particularly by the episodes "Faded Memories" and "The Siege on the Citadel).

EDIT: I just reread the teaser of the first episode, and you're right, it does severely lack descriptions. I have no idea how I could have missed that in the first place... Ah, well. It's not as though it's irreparable. I'll work on that a bit more, but the reason that I don't overload on descriptions in the first place is because of general page constraints. I try to only use 33 pages, which pushes time limits in and of itself.

EDIT AGAIN!: Here's a revised version of the teaser.

TEASER

EXT. PYRONA PATH - DAY

Ryu, a 23-year-old man with purple hair and blue eyes, wearing a black uniform with the letters ‘S’ and ‘A’ intertwined on the breast pocket of the shirt, is walking down a dirt road. Off to either side of the road are sporadically packed trees. As he’s walking, he sees a rather large outwardly wooden building, tucked away between the trees on one side of the road. It seems old, being covered in moss nearly in its entirety. A sign stands at the beginning of a path made of stones, that stretches from the road to the door of the building.

RYU
(whispering to himself)
Is this it?

He walks over to the sign and brushes moss off. The sign reads, in faded letters etched into the wood: All Creatures Tavern.

RYU
Yeah… this is it. This is the
place where it all started,
four years ago…

As Ryu walks up to and through the door of the tavern, we…

FLASH TO:

EXT. PYRONA PATH, FOUR YEARS AGO

A slightly younger looking Ryu, now wearing a black, button-down shirt under leather armor and carrying a large round shield which is slung over his shoulder, held in place by a leather strap, is walking through the door, into a tavern which seems fresh and new. In the front is a bar room with a shining marble floor, and tables spread across it. An assortment of fantastic-looking creatures sit at them. The bar room lacks a fourth wall, as it is connected to a large ballroom in which people, and various different types of creatures, some like those seated at the tables in the bar room, are dancing to a fast-paced tune that’s playing at just the right volume in the background.

FUTURE RYU (V.O.)
Four years ago, here, was
where and when I first met
Falco. It’s not quite where
my story began… but it
certainly changed my life
forever. Whether it was by
chance, or by destiny, I’ll
never know…

As the Ryu of the future trails off, we FOLLOW ON the Ryu of the present. He walks over to the bar, and sits down on a polished stool. The bar itself is made of an impressive marble. The barkeep, ALEX, a heavy-set older man, walks towards Ryu.

RYU
I’m rather hungry. I’ve
spent quite a few days on
the road. If you can spare
one, may I have a menu?

Alex hands Ryu a menu, and Ryu opens and studies it.

ALEX
Of course you can. So,
where are you coming from?

RYU
Pyrona.
(looking at the menu)
I think I’ll have the
roasted chicken.

BARKEEP
You don’t live near here,
do you?
(deadpan)
I’ve heard there was a lot of
trouble in that town recently…
are you a troublemaker?

RYU
(quietly)
No. I’m a survivor.

BARKEEP
Ah, well… I’ll go get
your roasted chicken.

The barkeep walks off, leaving Ryu to think to himself. Ryu seems sad. Moments later, the barkeep returns.

BARKEEP
It’ll be a few minutes until
it’s ready. So, where are you
going?

RYU
To Lord Seth’s palace…
where I will kill him.

As he says that, silence befalls the area. The barkeep gives him a strange look.

BARKEEP
Damn. I’ll get you a drink,
on the house.

He reaches behind him, and then brings his hand back, holding a mug of foaming liquid, which he gives to Ryu.

RYU
(pushing it away)
No thanks.

A dwarf staggers over to Ryu. He is clearly drunk, and has an axe, wrapped in leather cloth, strapped to his back. He punches at Ryu, but misses, and then pulls Ryu’s stool back. Ryu falls off of it, surprised.

DWARF
(slurring his words)
What the hell is wrong with
you, you bastard? Do you have
a problem with Lord Seth?

Ryu quickly recovers and stands up, and retaliates by punching the dwarf in the side of the face, knocking him to the ground. The dwarf struggles to get up, weighed down by his axe.

RYU
(angry)
You could say that…

DWARF
Well how’s this for ya!

The dwarf finally gets up and raises his axe, readying himself to strike. There is a split second pause; Ryu is standing, ready, thinking to himself.

RYU
I get the oddest feeling that
he’s about try and kill me…

On this climactic moment, we…

FADE OUT.

END TEASER

I hate having to center things like that, the actual format is much easier to read, but the post thingy can't carry format over. Ah well.

[Xeon]

Hi Ryu Gaia,

While not many people are into this Virtual Series stuff, I am!
In fact, I'm currently researching about it. I like the fact that the dialogue is broken up explicitly and the writing style of such genres.

Is there any official term for such kinds of writing? It's very cool and interesting to me. Would be good if there's great websites dedicated to this, because the world is seriously lacking in such stuff.

Thanks all!
Xeon.