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Originally Posted by Grimblade  I found myself crawling the last steps towards the toilets when my treacherous guts squeezed bile and cider into my closed mouth. All I could consciously do was grimace and bear it as I reached the home stretch. |
To answer your first point Calibre. Perhaps I could add a little something like 'crawling the last steps at the top of the stairs' to clarify. Do you feel it's required?
But on the second point I do agree with you, you aren't the first one to say it either. I've rewritten that piece a couple of times and it hasn't come out just right yet. I guess I'm just having difficulty finding the balance between the suspense you get from having as little information as possible up until action hits and, obviously, keeping it all clear as day so the story can be followed. I'm definitely working on that.
Thankyou for your feedback, it's definitely needed and appreciated. I'm glad you liked what you could make sense of!
