[Thalador]

It piqued my interest, although I didn't care for the awkward use of language. There were just too many unnecessary words in your sentences, rendering them too rambling for my taste. I cringed when I saw the word "had" four times in the first three sentences.

Also, this chapter isn't a proper opening to a novel. It's too sudden. Ideally, we should be in Chicago, building up to this for two or three chapters. I want to have some knowledge of Micah past his origins and age (which doesn't need to be explicitly established so early). Abruptly thrusting a character into a tense situation seems awfully cookie-cutter, and in this case fails to achieve the desired effect.

Don't get me wrong; I don't think it's horrible. I believe you had a vision, wrote it, and must now build an external framework around that vision.