Well, Chopper - I almost fear to praise you again for fear that your head may expand to gargantuan proportions, but alas, I am left no choice. You choose just the right words at the right places. The writing is literally (no pun intended)
enthralling. I will tell you my impressions at first read. Since you mentioned in advance that it was Norrow speaking, I assume that was from previous context. (Else I would be confused by the pronoun "He" at the start of the third paragraph). To answer the question about the "tale within a tale", the only thing I might do is describe the scene a little more initially from Norrow's perspective (i.e. He looked out at the faces that varied in interest from anticipation to boredom. He responded by increasing the level of drama; a little more volume, a little more energy in each character's expression.) But that's just me - I might have a tendency to over-clarify as a writer. As far as the mention of Meredith & the old man at the end, I think it's fine if subtle is what you were going for. There's just the slightest hint that they may know or even have been part of the true story that Narrow is recounting. Question: Does this go after the part of chapter one you posted previously? (The part with the "bloody mule"?) Again, great stuff. I want a signed copy of the book.
- Z.