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Old 25th March 2008, 11:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
chrispenycate
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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Re: Ostni's Weave: Isaac

Quote:
he could tell that while the tracks had been made that night, the person who had made them had come this way significantly earlier in the evening.
I'd put a comma after "that"

Quote:
The single set of tracks ensured Isaac that he only had to worry about one poacher
"assured", I think

Quote:
showing themselves occasionally with their glowing abdomens.
Nothing technically wrong, but I found the lesson in entomology a little distracting

Quote:
Other times it was bandits attempting to find goods to sell in the form of meats and skins with robbing helpless travelers being a beneficial byproduct of course.
Needs some punctuation after "skins"; I suspect I'd use a semicolon, although a comma would suffice, and a comma after "byproduct"



Quote:
He stared after where the wolf had gone for a little bit longer
he just stared after the wolf.

Quote:
He was up again with surprising speed for someone acting so uncoordinated as he was.
acting as uncoordinated

Quote:
was deserving of the fullest extent of prosecution by the law.
a trifle clumsy

As there's no need for my grammatical skills I just point out one or two little details…
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