| A little help with writing out some action
My character is running through a hallway, truning many corners, when he truns a corner and smacks into an old man...
but I'm not sure how to go about wording this...
At first i wrote:
As he ran around the corner he smacked right into something... he felt dazed and as he took a step back he noticed it wasnt something but rather someone.
But I felt there needed to be action so then I erased that and wrote:
He began to run and it was at his next corner when there was a big smack!
he felt dazed as he took a step back. It took him a second to realize he had bashed into someone, a man, and he too seemed to be shaken up.
which one is better? or is there a btter way to write this altogether? I just want there to be a feeling of Ouch! rather than ...ok he bumped into a man.... yay... |