Wythenshawe Earthquake Disaster Appeal...
Not very PC but still funny. UK posters will appreciate this the most but there's still plenty for our American and Australian cousins to enjoy......
An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the Richter scale hit Wythenshawe last Wednesday morning.The epicentre was benchill. Casualties were seen wandering around aimlessly saying "bang out of order!" "mental" "sorted". The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Preserved areas of historic importance were destroyed and cars burned out. Many locals were woken before their giro's arrived.
One resident Kylie Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Destiny came running into my bedroom crying; my hands were shaking so much I could hardly skin-up." The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous "Elizabeth Duke" sovereign rings,benefit books and Poundstretcher ornaments.
How can you help? This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits, white socks, Burberry caps,Beanie hats and Reebok trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain oven chips,Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and Iceland pizza. Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White Lightning Cider and Special Brew.
Cash donations are also needed. 22p will buy a "signing on" biro, £2.50 buys a Jumbo sausage dinner, £20.00 buys a fake M.O.T. and £16.00 buys 200 Embassy Regal from the back of Tomo's lorry.