You guys have been pretty nice…

[Paige Turner]

…so I'm going to tell you my very favourite joke.


It so happened that a big gospel revival was travelling through the small towns of the prairies. The trucks rolled into one town early one morning, and preparations were begun at once for the Revival meeting at 2 o'clock. Crews put up the big tent, leaflets were posted all around town, the choir practiced, all was made ready. At the appointed hour, the gospel choir swelled, and the preacher, clad in his best white suit, swept magestically into the tent, only to find the place empty, save for one wizened old farmer sitting down front.

Crestfallen, the preacher put up his hand to silence the choir, and walked down off the stage to the farmer.

"Well, old-timer," the preacher began, "Looks like it's pretty much just you and me. Do you want to bother with this, or would you rather just forget it?"

The old farmer, as was his habit, thought carefully for a few moments. "Well, you know, I'm just an old farmer," he said slowly, "but it seems to me that if I took a load of hay out to the field, and only one cow showed up, I'd surely feed her."

The preacher, touched and inspired by this earthy wisdom, leapt back up onto the stage, and launched into his best hellfire-and-damnation sermon. It was two solid hours of bible-thumping, brow-mopping fury.

When he had finished, the preacher came back down and sat by the farmer. "What did you think of that, old-timer?" he asked, still slightly breathless.

Again the farmer thought for a few moments before speaking. "Well, you know, I'm just an old farmer," he said, "but it seems to me that if I took a load of hay out to the field, and only one cow showed up, I surely wouldn't give her the whole load."

[GrownUp]

Better.

[Paige Turner]

Originally Posted by GrownUp

Better.

That's it? "Better?"

GrownUp scanned the computer screen, where Paige had poured out her heart. "Better," he said flatly, reaching for another glass of port. Meanwhile, Paige sat at her monitor, reading GrownUp's response. A silence fell. Somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.

Come ON! That is my best joke.

Lard a-tundering, you people are a tough crowd.

I still like you, though.

[GrownUp]

Now slightly wingy.

[wildbill333]

thats a good one

ok so a truck driver who likes to kill lawyers for fun during long trips sees a preist on the side of the road so he picks him up. they get about ten miles down the road and the truck driver sees a lawyer. he swerves to hit him and at the last moment he swerves away but still hears a thud. he looks at the preist and says "im sorry father, i almost hit that lawyer." so the preist says "thats all right..............i got him with the door."

[GrownUp]

nice

[iratebeaver]

okay so a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face. bu dum chu.

I liked your joke.

[Paige Turner]

Originally Posted by iratebeaver

okay so a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face. bu dum chu.

I liked your joke.

Polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The bears says, I'll have a gin… and tonic."
"Excuse me?"
"I'll have a gin…" says the bear, "…and tonic."
"I can make that for you," says the bartender, "but why the big pause?"

[Paige Turner]

A guy becomes disillusioned with civilization, so he moves to a remote cabin in the Yukon, where his nearest neighbour is ten kilometres away. At first, he's quite happy with his choice, but as the long dark winter sets in, he gets increasingly uncomfortable with the isolation. One night, there's a knock at the door. He opens it to find the neighbour who lives on the next property.
"Hi," says the neighbour, "Just thought I'd let you know that it's cabin fever season, so I'm having a get-together at my place on Saturday."
"Oh, that's great," says the guy, "I've been getting a bit lonesome here. I'd love to come."
"I should warn you, though," says the neighbour, "There's probably going to be some hard drinking."
"No problem," says the guy, "I don't mind having a few belts."
"Good, good," says the neighbour, "To be fair, there's probably going to be some fighting, too."
"Ah, that's okay," says the guy, "I can handle myself in a scrap."
"All right, then," says the neighbour, "There's, um… there's probably going to be some sex, too."
"I'm no prude," says the guy, "Count me in. What should I wear?
"Doesn't really matter," says the neighbour, "It's just gonna be the two of us."

[sanityassassin]

this is turning into the bad joke thread

so to lower the tone a bit further...

a man walks into a bar ands ouch!!

it was an iron bar

[GrownUp]

And better.

[sanityassassin]

Originally Posted by Paige Turner

A guy becomes disillusioned with civilization, so he moves to a remote cabin in the Yukon, where his nearest neighbour is ten kilometres away. At first, he's quite happy with his choice, but as the long dark winter sets in, he gets increasingly uncomfortable with the isolation. One night, there's a knock at the door. He opens it to find the neighbour who lives on the next property.
"Hi," says the neighbour, "Just thought I'd let you know that it's cabin fever season, so I'm having a get-together at my place on Saturday."
"Oh, that's great," says the guy, "I've been getting a bit lonesome here. I'd love to come."
"I should warn you, though," says the neighbour, "There's probably going to be some hard drinking."
"No problem," says the guy, "I don't mind having a few belts."
"Good, good," says the neighbour, "To be fair, there's probably going to be some fighting, too."
"Ah, that's okay," says the guy, "I can handle myself in a scrap."
"All right, then," says the neighbour, "There's, um… there's probably going to be some sex, too."
"I'm no prude," says the guy, "Count me in. What should I wear?
"Doesn't really matter," says the neighbour, "It's just gonna be the two of us."

heard that one before except it was set in the aussie outback

[Paige Turner]

Originally Posted by sanityassassin

heard that one before except it was set in the aussie outback

Oh.

[GrownUp]

I hadn't. And it's very funny in the Yukon. I shall keep it.

[iratebeaver]

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino
ba dum chu.