| Re: Blurb for hack-and-slash critique Hello. My first thought was that a blurb needs to be very short. So this is how I would rewrite your blurb to be as concise as possible, but hopefully keep the essence of what you were saying. You ask for hack and slash, I will give it! But hopefully I haven’t thrown out babies with the bathwater. Empathy: ability to imagine the feelings and experiences of another. In the 5th century BC Corinth is a bustling metropolis. The harbour is congested with ships and traders, the streets are packed with people, merchants shouting their wares and priests conducting sacrifices to the gods. There is no place with so much chance for pleasure and entertainment as this city where Aphrodite holds sway. To Mina, an expensive and skilled prostitute, Corinth is merciless. As she slowly loses sight of the blurring line between herself and the thousands of Corinthian inhabitants, her only hope is that the Gods will grant her some relief. Sometimes there is little difference between a gift and a curse. I presume the curse is the heightened empathy that you define in the first line. That would be why Mina finds it hard to live in a teeming city where there are so many people whose consciousness will intrude on her own. If that is the case, you would have to question why someone so sensitive would work as a prostitute; surely she would get some very unpleasant projections then! And I found the stuff about Mina getting in with some priests to “have a foundation to work from” quite vague. What priests? What does she want to do? Doubtless this will be explained in the story, but goes beyond the (hopefully arresting) sketch a blurb should give. In my edit I trimmed it right down to a teaser. To me the most striking elements of your blurb is the bustling, chaotic city, and your Mina character. |